Editor:
The front-page article in the Feb. 24 edition about the foster children portrayed me—surely accidentally—in a poor light, and I’d like to correct a couple of misrepresentations.
The headline and first paragraph imply that there is some kind of opposition between my position, as a Reform rabbi, and that of the Orthodox Jews involved. That’s not accurate. First of all, we all agree that the idea that a non-Jewish family can raise Jewish children is patently absurd.
Second of all, I am not so foolish as to try to instruct a non-Jewish woman (or anyone) on how to raise observant Jews, as implied by Mordecai Biser, general counsel for Agudath Israel of America. DSS knew we are Jewish, from our more than five years as foster parents, so they reached out to us. We had no information about which Orthodox community these children’s mother identified with, only that she was Orthodox. Given that, we did three things:
• Gave the foster mother basic beginner’s information about kashrut. (We didn’t have to mention haircuts because that’s already in DSS regulations; foster parents are not permitted to cut foster children’s hair without permission from birth parents.)
• Directed the foster mother to call Rochel Bomzer for more information about kashrut and caring for these children.
• Spoke with Rabbi Bomzer to alert him about the situation.
I hope that your readers will concur that those were appropriate ways, respectful of the Orthodox community, for a Reform rabbi to be part of this situation.
Rabbi Debora S. Gordon
Congregation Berith Sholom
Troy
Let me add — the headline to this letter further confuses the issue. I wrote the letter, but not the headline, which I only saw for the first time this morning.
The issue is what “raising” means, and it has two meanings. There’s “raising young children temporarily” — which is what foster care is — and there’s “raising children with permanency in their ‘forever family’” — which is what adoption is.
Foster parents are trained to be sensitive to the cultural needs of the children in their care. Having these two very young children in a non-Jewish foster home is not ideal, but neither is moving them so far away from their birth mother so as to make weekly visits difficult if not impossible. The goal of foster care is reunification, not adoption.
Having said that, if these children become free for adoption, the only way they can be raised (long-term) as Jews is in a Jewish family. We all agree on that.
I hope that this clarifies the situation a little more.
More thoughts: My letter above, while it accurately expresses my discomfort with the headline and first paragraph of the story, failed to acknowledge that reporter Marc Gronich wrote a generally balanced, thoughtful, and sensitive article. He had a long conversation with Judy and many other people beforehand, and we especially appreciate that he wrote accurately about our family situation. That should have been the first thing I said, before I laid out my criciticm. I apologize to Marc for putting him in a bad light. This publishing thing is harder than it looks!
You can read a longer version of the apology here: http://blog.timesunion.com/rebdeb/slichah-i-apologize/655/