By MARILYN SHAPIRO
Now that I am in my 70s, I am thrilled that I have acquired so much knowledge. My brain is a virtual 20 volume set of World Book Encyclopedia and contains both useful and not-so useful information. Unfortunately, as a result, my ability to quickly retrieve a necessary fact sometimes fails.
Sometimes No Laughter
Please understand. I am well aware that our memory is often no joking manner. I have too many dear friends and family who have cognitive disorders due to dementia and—heaven forbid!—Alzheimer’s. My own dear sister Laura struggles with recall because of a stroke she had five years ago. She has made tremendous strides since the first few days when she told us that she had been flown to the hospital in a “bulldozer.” But I know she is embarrassed when she can’t find that particular word. Those that love her keep reassuring her that it is not a big deal.
We all have our moments when the words just won’t come. This inability is most seen when need to recall someone’s name. Sometimes I blame it on what I call “You are out of context!” situation. The most memorable—and most embarrassing—incident of this phenomena occurred 30 years ago. My husband Larry and I were in the lobby of Proctors, a theater venue in Schenectady,, when a man with a vaguely familiar face greeted us warmly. I looked at him and said, “I am so sorry! I forgot your name! How do you know us?”
“Marilyn, this is John Smith [I have completely forgotten his actual name!],” Larry said. “He is our children’s swim coach!”
“Oh, John,” I said. “I am so sorry! I didn’t recognize you with your clothes on!” Gulp!
As a classroom teacher, I took pride in my knowing my students’ names. Sitting charts helped on the secondary high school level. When I taught adult education, however, enrollment was done on a rotating schedule. New students appeared every other Monday, and I didn’t require seating charts. Remembering names became a challenge, especially when my students had variations of the same name. When confronted with a Shaquana Shaquilla, Shaquina, and Shakuntula in the same classroom, I struggled but triumphed in the end.
I often use mnemonic tricks to help. For example, I often see my neighbors Hope and Tony walking their golden retriever Abby. At first stymied by our encounters, I now remember them with the phrase “Abby Hopes Tony will take him for a walk.” Easy peasy!
I was so proud of myself for devising this trick, I shared my method with them. Other times, it is best I keep my trick to myself.
Two sisters who could almost pass as twins are often in my exercise class (when I was able to go to exercise class! Damn pandemic!). I mixed up “Sally” and “Jane” for a while until I started playing this little mind game. Sally, who is married, wears a silver ring. The other sister, who one day shared with me day her unhappiness with her untoned arms, is remembered by me as Jiggling Jane. As long as Sally is wearing her wedding band and Jane is wearing a sleeveless top, I will never mix them up again!
The COVID Excuse
This pandemic has had some limited benefits, and one is that we have an excuse when we forget a name. When someone greets me warmly, I reply,”I can’t see your face behind the mask. Can you tell me who you are?”
Great excuse, right?
I have also been bailed out by modern technology. Our congregation meets on Zoom, and most participants, whom I already know, have their names displayed. I have little patience in any video conference settings for those that refuse to “get with the program.” As far as I am concerned, they will be referred to “iPad 2” or “555-100-1111” until further notice.
I Am Not Alone
This doesn’t work in our neighborhood’s Olympic-sized pool, where no masks—or name tags—are required. In those situations I use the “55 plus community” excuse. “ We live in Solivita where memory is just a memory,” I say. “Please tell your name again.”
I tried this approach recently, and the woman smiled and answered “Ingrid.”
Then I had my own aha moment! “Ingrid! I knew that! By the way, do you remember my name?”
“No,” she answered sheepishly.
“Marilyn,” I said. It’s Marilyn. And I resumed my swim, content in the fact that I was not alone in my affliction!
My loss of recall isn’t limited to people’s names. After 12 months without sushi, Larry and I purchased a tray of California rolls at the local grocery. That evening, at dinner I was savoring each bite when I realized I’d forgotten the name of the “green stuff.”
“Larry, what is this called?”
“Wasabi,” Larry answered.
Five minutes later, I had to ask again “What did you say this green stuff is called, Larry?”
“Wah-SAH-bee,” Larry said, drawing out the syllables.
The next morning, the first thing I thought about was the delicious California rolls we had eaten the night before. It took a long second to get the word for the “green stuff” out on my tongue.
“Wasabi! Wasabi! Wasabi” I said to myself.
An hour later, Larry and I were taking a walk when we saw another couple walking towards us.
“Quick!” Larry said. “His name is Bob. What is his wife’s name?”
“Wasabi!” I quickly answered.
So, now when either Larry and I are in doubt, we just substitute our code word for our failure to remember. Wasabi. Wah-SAH-bee. For now, it’s working.
Marilyn Shapiro, formerly of Clifton Park, is now a resident of Kissimmee, Fla. A second compilation of her articles printed in The Jewish World has been published. Tikkun Olam now joins There Goes My Heart. Marilyn Shapiro’s blog is theregoesmyheart.me.